My first blog post since my trip and I’m struggling with what to say.
I can’t decide if it’s because I have too much to say, or not enough. What does one say when they return from a trip that may or may not have changed their lives?
I know this blog is supposed to be about my struggles (and victories) with Hashimoto’s disease, but it has become much more than that. While Hashimoto’s does not define me, it is a part of me, a part of my experiences. There is no separating the disease from me. So I guess what I’m saying is that if you’re reading this blog because you hope to get support in your own health struggles, that’s great and I hope to provide that, but you’ll have to slog through the other crap going on in my life as well. Not that it’s all crap – honestly, most of my life is good, great even. But one doesn’t write about only the good stuff, do they? If that were the case we wouldn’t have some of the greatest writers and stories.
But I digress.
I suppose the reason why I haven’t written about Bali, why I “can’t” write about Bali is because so many of my feelings about it haven’t processed yet. This was a trip like no other, in so many ways. I hope to start processing them and writing about it soon. I didn’t even write in my journal while I was gone (except twice) which is slightly annoying, but I also don’t write unless I have to. (And I wonder why I can’t be a “writer” for a living.) The spirit didn’t move me. Or I avoided the spirit, which is the most likely answer.
I do know this: like when I returned from Thailand last year, I feel that a shift is occurring. Like something is physically manifesting itself inside of me. A change is afoot. Or something like that. Of course I have no idea what it is, but I also hope that it happens soon. I’ve been waiting a year since Thailand – I wonder if my body just forgot that something was supposed to happen. But now I feel ready – emotionally, physically, spiritually ready for what comes next. Bring it.