All In

This blog has altered so much from what my original intentions were.  I started it because people were curious about my 30 day elimination diet (I know you were all wondering how I did without booze for 30 days) and continued into my story of dealing with Hashimoto’s disease in the best way I can.  I thought I could help someone else make positive, healthy changes in their life and feel better. I know what it’s like to feel like shit and not know why.  I thought perhaps I could reach someone out there.

It’s changed again to my story of finding myself – a process that probably seems long and arduous to many of you.  But it’s changed because I’ve come to understand that my health is intrinsically connected to the way my feelings and thoughts about myself.  Dr. Wayne Dyer posted a great quote on Facebook today from Rumi, who happens to be one of my favorites.  I’m paraphrasing here, but it basically says that if you want to change the world, start with yourself.

For those of you who know me personally, you know that I’m a crusader.  I find things that I’m passionate about and I want to fight for them.  I fight daily for my students’ lives as an educator for underserved urban high school students.  I fight nearly daily for my second cause, food justice and literacy.  Both of these causes are important to me – both I feel are necessary to a healthy culture, both literally and metaphorically.

But first, I must start with myself.  And I guess that’s what I’m doing here, although I didn’t realize it until I read that quote.  Thank you for reading, for supporting me on this journey.

You’ve probably noticed or figured out by now that I’m a self-help addict.  I think this has a lot to do with wanting to continue the path I started on with my life coach a little over a year ago.  I don’t want to stop learning about myself, and I don’t think I’m to the point where I can stop thinking about how I treat myself better and live the life I want to live. (And why would I want to?)

Anyway, I get sent a lot of stuff.  I read a lot of stuff.  For those of you who are actual real life Facebook friends with me you know I post a lot of it.  Two things hit my inbox this morning and I’ve been thinking about them all day.

The first was an email from TUT-The Universe.  I’m not sure how I found this thing, but “The Universe” emails you daily with little reminders.  It’s awesome.  It’s always a thought or a question that really makes you think.  So, here’s mine for today:

“Some of the coolest dreams that ever came true, Carmen, weren’t dreams at all, but standards that simply weren’t compromised. 

Oh yeah, we takin’ over… 
    The Universe”

Um, what?  So you’re telling me that my standards were too low all along?  Is that what’s going on?

And then there’s always a kicker after the little sign off:

“Carmen, always being your best, shining your brightest, and standing as tall as you can, pays far more dividends than one might ever imagine.”

WHAT??

I was having a tough time with this one today.  WTF does that mean?  At first, I was a little pissed (which generally means it stuck a chord).

It really made me think about what my “standards” are.  Do I even know?

And then I get this from Your Kick Ass Life:

“So what is something that is bugging the crap out of you, that you can simply ask for help in changing?”

So, you’re telling me that all I had to do all along was ask for it?

Shine your brightest, keep up your standards for yourself and then just ask for what I want to change?

Jesus, is it that simple?

And then I proceeded to freak out.

See, this is why I need self-help.

Here’s the thing.  I honestly believe that if I do these things, I will get what I want out of life.  This is an incredibly powerful thought.  It’s like a genie in a bottle.  It’s incredibly empowering, and incredibly fucking scary.

There’s no alternative though.  I have to do it.  Because if I don’t, I’ll always wonder.  So I’m going to take my chances, and jump.  I’m all in.

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Sometimes things just hit you smack in the face

Perhaps that’s the longest blog title ever.  Perhaps not.  I’ll be on the look-out.

Anyway, remember when I said “Bring it” at the end of my last post?  This was a response from my good friend, former boss, and in general mentor to me:

Goethe says that when we make a decision – a real decision, not just a “want to” – that all the doors of the universe open to make it happen. You just said “bring it”; I just heard doors slapping open across the cosmos. 🙂

Whoa.  I mean really.  I believed her, I mean “kinda” believed her – in that “yeah, sure, whatever you say” kind of way.

But you know what?  As usual, she was right.

My inbox has been flooded with emails about all kinds of things that have been on my mind to make these things happen, from travel to writing to making your dreams come true and creating your own reality.  Facebook has articles and quotes popping up all over the place.  I guess they could have been there all the time, but now I’m finally ready to listen.  Not just listen, but DO.

I think we get so stuck in whatever our “reality” is at the moment (and that reality is always self-created) that it’s hard to see beyond our own noses.  I was stuck in this “my work sucks I’m sick I can’t do it I don’t want to fail I don’t want to look stupid I’m afraid” thought process that it was hard to see just how fucking easy it is to say YES.

I have lots of ideas, one of which I’m ready to talk about, and one that’s still forming in my mind.  One is a recent dream, the other I’ve had my entire life.  Guess which one I’m ready to talk about?  Yeah, the new one.  Weird how that works.  The thing that I’ve always wanted to do, that my heart has always lead me to, is the one things that scares me the most.  Not just scares, but shakes me to the core.  Because if I lose this, then I lose everything.

But you know what I’ve realized?  I’ll never lose it, because it is me.

 

I’d love to share a few of the blog posts that I’ve come across, and I will as I find them.  In the meantime, here’s one of them.  If you’re a fan of travel stories, I highly recommend that you follow this blog.

http://nomadgrad.com/2012/04/01/the-ask-all-tell-alls-of-nomadic-life-financing-your-fun/