New Directions (no, I’m not talking about Glee)

Something that I’ve discovered in my rather short life is that when things start happening, they happen rather quickly.

But never as quickly as you would like them to.

For example, in my last blog post, I wrote about my new dreams.  I can’t even describe how passionate I am about the new directions in my life (although I’m working on articulating it) and exciting about moving things forward.

But we in our little ego controlled worlds always think that things are going to happen quicker (or slower) than they actually do.  I would love to snap my fingers and become a published author (eek, I said it out loud) but the reality is that life doesn’t work that way.

As scary as it sounds, I already am a writer.  It seemed so obvious all along – I mean, I’m writing here, right? – but I’m not really a WRITER.  I don’t remember where I heard it, but to be a painter, you have to paint.  To be a writer, you have to write.  Guess what I don’t do (or don’t do much of).  So, to be a writer, I have to write.  Pen to paper.  Or hands to keyboard, whatever.

For those of you who don’t write (or maybe for those blessed among us, some that do) you don’t understand this.  Meh, it’s just putting words together and putting them down.

This freaks writers out to the core.

I had brunch with a dear friend of mine today who is a “writer”.  Like, she’s been published.  She’s won awards.  She’s freaking amazing.  Her words move me.  I asked her about her “process” (I’m not so sure that I’m dorky enough to actually use that word, but I may have.)  She laughed at me.

She has no discipline.  She writes when she has to, when she has a deadline looming.    It’s not a daily practice.  I’ll put words in her mouth and say it’s when the spirit moves her.

Or forces her.

I asked why it is so hard to write.  Why you question everything, scrap everything, start over 40+ time.

You know what she said?

Fear.

(This she also said while laughing at me.  Of course.  Because you know what?  It’s always fear that stops us.)

So what makes a writer?  And more importantly, how do I become a writer?

Well, that’s what I’m grappling with right now.  Because I don’t just want to write.  I want this to be my career.  I want this to define my life.  I want people to say, “oh, do you know Carmen?  She’s a writer.”

God, that would be so fucking awesome.

So, I’m taking some rather drastic steps to get there.  Ok, they’re not that drastic, but if you’re not one for introspection or that kind of stuff, this might not be for you.

A little over a year ago I began working with a life coach.  It was by far the best investment I have ever made in my own life.  I feel like I finally woke up – like I’m living my life and not just the one that everyone else pretends they enjoy.  I’m working on a few projects that continue this introspection – that allow me to look in, to see what it is that I really want out of my life.  What fuels me?  Who do I want to be?

I encourage you to take this journey with me.  I’m working on Danielle LaPorte’s 30 Day Creative Genius Challenge.  Danielle is AMAZING.  She just, I don’t know, GETS it.  I’m also working on a few other things of hers to encourage my creative growth (I’m just not ready to talk about them yet.)

If you feel like you need a little “growth”, I encourage you to complete the challenge as well.  We’re about 6 days in, but you can catch up.  It’s all for free on Huffington Post (I will link once my computer is cooperating).  We can even talk about it!

I hope you’ll follow along as I’m on this journey.  Yes, it’s no longer about me and my struggles with Hashimoto’s disease.  But for me personally, this is so much more important.  Because this is who I truly am.

Let me know if you’re doing the challenge as well, and let’s play together!

Next up: How do I want to feel?  And why does this question make me feel so uncomfortable?