Sometimes things just hit you smack in the face

Perhaps that’s the longest blog title ever.  Perhaps not.  I’ll be on the look-out.

Anyway, remember when I said “Bring it” at the end of my last post?  This was a response from my good friend, former boss, and in general mentor to me:

Goethe says that when we make a decision – a real decision, not just a “want to” – that all the doors of the universe open to make it happen. You just said “bring it”; I just heard doors slapping open across the cosmos. 🙂

Whoa.  I mean really.  I believed her, I mean “kinda” believed her – in that “yeah, sure, whatever you say” kind of way.

But you know what?  As usual, she was right.

My inbox has been flooded with emails about all kinds of things that have been on my mind to make these things happen, from travel to writing to making your dreams come true and creating your own reality.  Facebook has articles and quotes popping up all over the place.  I guess they could have been there all the time, but now I’m finally ready to listen.  Not just listen, but DO.

I think we get so stuck in whatever our “reality” is at the moment (and that reality is always self-created) that it’s hard to see beyond our own noses.  I was stuck in this “my work sucks I’m sick I can’t do it I don’t want to fail I don’t want to look stupid I’m afraid” thought process that it was hard to see just how fucking easy it is to say YES.

I have lots of ideas, one of which I’m ready to talk about, and one that’s still forming in my mind.  One is a recent dream, the other I’ve had my entire life.  Guess which one I’m ready to talk about?  Yeah, the new one.  Weird how that works.  The thing that I’ve always wanted to do, that my heart has always lead me to, is the one things that scares me the most.  Not just scares, but shakes me to the core.  Because if I lose this, then I lose everything.

But you know what I’ve realized?  I’ll never lose it, because it is me.

 

I’d love to share a few of the blog posts that I’ve come across, and I will as I find them.  In the meantime, here’s one of them.  If you’re a fan of travel stories, I highly recommend that you follow this blog.

http://nomadgrad.com/2012/04/01/the-ask-all-tell-alls-of-nomadic-life-financing-your-fun/ 

 

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I’m Back!

The official flag of Bali. Coat of Arms on top...

My first blog post since my trip and I’m struggling with what to say.

 

I can’t decide if it’s because I have too much to say, or not enough.  What does one say when they return from a trip that may or may not have changed their lives?

 

I know this blog is supposed to be about my struggles (and victories) with Hashimoto’s disease, but it has become much more than that.  While Hashimoto’s does not define me, it is a part of me, a part of my experiences.  There is no separating the disease from me.  So I guess what I’m saying is that if you’re reading this blog because you hope to get support in your own health struggles, that’s great and I hope to provide that, but you’ll have to slog through the other crap going on in my life as well.  Not that it’s all crap – honestly, most of my life is good, great even.  But one doesn’t write about only the good stuff, do they?  If that were the case we wouldn’t have some of the greatest writers and stories.

 

But I digress.

 

I suppose the reason why I haven’t written about Bali, why I “can’t” write about Bali is because so many of my feelings about it haven’t processed yet.  This was a trip like no other, in so many ways.  I hope to start processing them and writing about it soon.  I didn’t even write in my journal while I was gone (except twice) which is slightly annoying, but I also don’t write unless I have to.  (And I wonder why I can’t be a “writer” for a living.)  The spirit didn’t move me.  Or I avoided the spirit, which is the most likely answer.

 

I do know this: like when I returned from Thailand last year, I feel that a shift is occurring.  Like something is physically manifesting itself inside of me.  A change is afoot.  Or something like that.  Of course I have no idea what it is, but I also hope that it happens soon.  I’ve been waiting a year since Thailand – I wonder if my body just forgot that something was supposed to happen.  But now I feel ready – emotionally, physically, spiritually ready for what comes next.  Bring it.